If I had a pound for every time I asked myself that question, I would be a rich man. More seriously, though, the vast majority of us have, at some point in our lives, reflected upon a decision or action that we couldn’t fathom out. And for some, it is precisely our unfathomable, repetitive self-destructive behaviour that prompts us to seek out and, if strong enough, heal the very causes of our pain. The purpose of this article is to show that many of the reasons for our behaviour (both benign and destructive) are subconscious – they are deeply buried in our minds yet constitute the seemingly inaccessible ‘driving force’ behind our plans, decision-making and social interactions [1].
Until quite recently, our mental life was considered entirely or mainly conscious in nature (Bargh & Morsella, 2008). In fact, for most of human history, only the concepts of conscious thought and intentional behaviour existed. While hypnotism and evolutionary theory both pointed (in the 1800s) to the possibility of subconscious, unintended causes of human behaviour, ‘contemporary psychological science remains wedded to a conscious-centric model…’ (Bargh & Morsella, 2008, p. 78). Fortunately, there is a growing recognition of just how important our subconscious mind is (see, for example: http://www.yale.edu/acmelab/publications.html). The importance of the subconscious mind remains hotly debated (e.g. Newell & Shanks 2014). However, my aim here is not to engage with critics. Rather, I want to reaffirm the centrality of the subconscious in everyday life, since once we understand and accept that our past behaviours were based on the invisible operation of the subconscious mind, we afford ourselves the amazing opportunity to forgive ourselves (Lipton & Bhaerman 2011, p. 41).
But before I address how we can afford ourselves such opportunity [2], we need to be crystal clear about the nature of the subconscious. Our subconscious mind is an incredibly powerful information-processor that can record perceptual experiences. It has been estimated that the disproportionately larger brain mass devoted to the subconscious mind can interpret and respond to over 40 million nerve impulses per second. In stark contrast, the self-conscious mind’s prefrontal cortex only processes about 40 nerve impulses per second (Lipton & Bhaerman 2011, p. 32). Staggeringly, 95% of our decisions, actions, emotions and behaviours are derived from the unobserved processing of the subconscious mind (p. 33). This accounts for the everyday reality of being in two minds about something, since it was the self-conscious or ‘aware’ mind that had the idea or desire that conflicted with the subconscious mind. As the authors rightly note, this explains the generic and rather painful futility of so-called positive thinking, since our lives are quintessentially not controlled by our conscious wishes or desires.
Crucially, since our subconscious mind is conditioning our behaviour virtually all of the time [3], our fate is under the control of habits or what Bruce Lipton calls recorded programs, which have been derived from instincts and the perceptions acquired throughout our life-time. However, the most important ‘programs’ are the ones recorded during the first 6 years. Our ‘programs’ were acquired by observing and listening to our main teachers, namely our parents/carers, siblings, and local community. It is well worth quoting Lipton & Bhaerman at length here:
Lipton and Bhaerman use the oft-cited example of driving a car to elucidate the power of the subconscious, since this is something most, if not all, car-drivers have presumably experienced, namely, having become so engrossed in a conversation with your friend, that you were unaware of the actual distance you had travelled without paying any attention to the mechanics of driving. There’s only one occasion I recall where I was genuinely scared that I could not actually remember driving from home to where I used to work in Bath, and this was without company. The salient point, though, is that we do not observe our own subconscious behaviours and so when life does not unfold as we had hoped or planned, we rarely recognise that we very likely contributed to our own disappointments and lack of success.
Indeed, our ability to re-program, as it were, our subconscious in order to regain our power will be developed in Part Two. However, clearly, I write here as a psychic medium and my reasons for accentuating this in my subtitle derive, firstly, from the fact that I have gained remarkable insights from my one-to-one psychic readings (and, indeed, my own healing) about people’s subconscious minds and behaviours. Such insights overwhelmingly support the Lipton & Bhaerman analysis (see also McCray 2014). Secondly, psychics themselves can play a crucial role for those who want to know about what ‘lies beneath’ in order to facilitate any subsequent desired healing. While I develop this in Part Two, I shall give a brief flavour of what I mean. During my psychic readings, I almost invariably receive information about the sitter that is subconscious, which is then usually either denied or rejected as the case by the sitter. At the early stages of my psychic career, I found this especially frustrating and I had to work incredibly hard to explain that the information I received was about subconscious emotions and motivations. To take a straightforward example, a 60-something chap from Manchester came to my then-home in Bradford-on-Avon and I informed him that I was being told by my guide that he was burying some anger. Certainly, his demeanour was very warm and friendly and he shrugged his shoulders in bafflement at this statement during the reading. I then heard the same information and asked him if I could seek clarification. As I relayed that I was being told his son had almost died, the chap started crying, informing me that he was angry that his father was not present at the time.
This example nicely illustrates the healing power of a psychic reading, during which forgotten or repressed memories can be brought to the fore for both acknowledgment and healing. To take a slightly more complex example, I had to tread carefully in explaining to a female client (in her mid-30s) why I was hearing that she used to be in violent relationships. I was told that the reason for such repetitive behaviour was attributable to her relationship with her father. At this point, the sitter became demonstrably angry. I was then told, psychically, that she used to witness her father physically assaulting her mother when she was a child. This was confirmed as accurate, which subsequently enabled me to explain that we form, without conscious awareness, false beliefs – in this instance, that it is ‘ok’ for men to hit women. At this point, the sitter understood this was the reason she’d been in violent relationships in the past. Such psychic insight provides a unique and compelling opportunity for sitters not only to gain clarity and reflect upon the information they receive from me but also to consider a structured programme of emotional healing, in turn paving the way, as mentioned above, for forgiveness of oneself and others. More of this, however, in my next blog!
Notes
[1] It is ironic that I spent my previous career as an academic author and researcher subconsciously denying the very importance of my subconscious, adopting a theoretical framework of that explicitly focused solely on conscious decision-making (for example, Willmott 2002).[2] The processes by which we can heal subconscious emotional pain will be addressed in-depth in Part Two.
[3] As a former professional sociologist, I argued for a rejection of what is known as socio-cultural determinism (where we have no control over our lives and literally behave like ‘puppets’) in favour of socio-cultural conditioning where we need to talk in terms of degrees of freedom versus stringency of constraints (e.g. the rich business owner versus Big Issue seller, where the former clearly has considerably more degrees of freedom than the latter). This distinction can also be applied to the interplay between our conscious behaviour/reflection and subconscious ‘programming’, whereby both recognising and uncovering the workings of our subconscious mind moves us inexorably away from the ‘stringency of constraints’ towards greater well-being and fulfilment. As John Bargh notes, we ‘must exert wilful, conscious effort to put aside the unexplained and sometimes unwanted negative feelings that we may harbour towards others. The stronger the unconscious influence, the harder we have to work consciously to overcome it… An alcoholic might come home in the evening and pour a drink…’ (2014, p. 35). Thus, the role of a psychotherapist, for example, would be to work with the alcoholic in uncovering the complex reasons for such self-destructive power over time. But, as I argue in Part Two, this is just the beginning, since psychotherapeutic intervention on its own does not result in successful ‘re-programming’ of the subconscious.
Bibliography
John Bargh & Ezequiel Morsella (2008) The Unconscious Mind Perspectives on Psychological Science 3 (1):73-79
John Bargh (2014) Our Unconscious Mind Scientific American January
Bruce Lipton & Steve Bhaerman (2011) Spontaneous Evolution: Our Positive Future (and a way to get there from here) London: Hay House
Allen McCray (2014) Who’s behind the Mask? Become Who You Have Always Been but Were Never Allowed to Be iUniverse
Ben Newell & David Shanks (2014) Unconscious influences on decision making: A critical review Behavioral and Brain Sciences 38 (1):1-19
Robert Willmott (2002) Education Policy and Realist Social Theory London & New York: Routledge
Links
http://www.wakeuplaughing.com/
http://bargh.socialpsychology.org/
©2015 Rob Willmott